


the blood on my hands scares me to death

by ohohpierre



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, It's Harry Potter, M/M, Rewrite, Somewhat, the night harry goes to the forbidden forest in the final battle, there's obviously a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 17:07:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11559642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohohpierre/pseuds/ohohpierre
Summary: Draco finds Harry before he walks to the Forbidden Forest.





	the blood on my hands scares me to death

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from the song "I'll Be Good" by Jaymes Young.

The further Harry walked from the castle, the quieter it became. It was hard to believe that only an hour ago, fighting had taken up every corner of the stone edifice. The silence filled his ears, and he could feel the heaviness of war settle in his chest. He felt weary, his body’s way of telling him it was almost over.

He doesn’t know if he’d ever be able to get Voldemort’s voice out of his head, the snakelike hiss that tumbled its way to every facet of his mind. He focused on his footsteps, on his feet. They would carry him to wear he needed to go.

He was going to his death. He was going to die. And soon.

Despite the prophecy, Harry felt entirely powerless. He wanted to deny the words, yet he was following them step by step. He had not yet left the courtyard; he hadn’t realized how slowly he had been walking. He stopped. He reckoned he had about 15 more minutes.

He thought of those he had already lost tonight, his chest tightening as the list grew longer. Lupin, Tonks, Fred. He shook his head in a childish attempt to make the faces disappear. He thought back to those he was leaving behind. Ron, Hermione. They had tried to stop him in the hallway, the two tearful as Harry turned. He couldn’t bear the sadness on their faces. And _Draco_.

He hadn’t seen the boy in several hours, not since the fire in the Room of Requirement. He had scurried away from him, as if it was not the fire that had burned him, but Harry instead. He pretended that didn’t hurt. He had lost him amid the battle, and a nauseous feeling had settled into the bottom of his stomach. Harry could only hope that maybe he got away, that maybe his father had pulled him away from the fighting.

He hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye to him. He was running out of time. He had to keep going.

He felt too warm, his face flushing, and his breath was getting more desperate. He thought he could accept it, he thought he could do it. He was a horcrux. It was supposed to happen this way-

“Harry!”

Harry’s head snapped up in the direction of the voice to see a figure running towards him, and he wasn’t afraid. He instead reached his arms outward, colliding with the boy. Harry took a deep breath, and then another, and then another. His legs were feeling shaky. “Draco.” Draco made a move to pull away, but Harry moved closer. He couldn’t let go just yet. “Don’t- “

“I’ve run through this entire bloody castle to find you,” Draco said, finally able to pull away enough to look Harry in the face. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Harry couldn’t speak for a moment. He felt numb, lightheaded. For a while, he thought he could walk away. He hadn’t seen Draco; it was easier to leave him on a regret. But now the boy stood in front of him, concern covering his entire face, and Harry wanted to collapse. He forced himself to stay upright, his hands resting on Draco’s shoulders.

“I have to go.” _I don’t have much time left._ The sentence stayed in the air as Draco looked at him with an anxious expression.

“You can’t possibly,” Draco started, cutting himself off for a moment. He pulled away from Harry, taking a step back, and Harry slumped. “He’ll kill you, Harry, you _can’t_.”

“I’ve lost too many people tonight,” Harry began, but Draco interrupted.

“I can’t lose you. I can’t.” Harry shook his head nervously.

“Draco- “

“Oh don’t you _‘Draco’_ me,” he said, and Harry rubbed a hand over his face. “I’ve lost friends tonight too. This won’t solve anything. So don’t make me lose you too.”

Harry kept his eyes on the ground, and he could feel his hands shaking. He felt like he was going to break right apart. He couldn’t keep talking, he couldn’t keep standing here, no matter how much he wanted to grab Draco by the shoulders and walk back inside. He could vaguely hear Draco continuing to speak, but he couldn’t get it through his mind. Harry reached out and pulled Draco back into his arms, silencing him.

“I love you.” Draco could only cling closer to Harry. “I love you.”

“I love you.” It took everything in Draco’s power to keep his voice from breaking. Everything became quiet once more, the only noise being Harry’s ragged breaths and Draco’s soft sighs. “I’ll go with you.” Harry shook his head again.

“No.” With a burst of courage, Harry pressed a kiss to Draco’s cheek, a quick, chaste thing, and he swallowed a tremble. Harry pulled away. “Keep fighting.”

“No- “ Draco could only watch as Harry turned, and walked through the rest of the courtyard and into the Forbidden Forest. “ _No_.”

 

Draco did not consider himself a coward. He liked to imagine that he would run headfirst into the fray, but he could never completely see which side he would be fighting on. But he could now.

It was after the Room of Requirement that he pulled back. He had watched his friend die right in front of him, with the possibility of him being next. And Harry had saved him. And he had pulled away from him.

 

Walking through the Great Hall, he could see he was not welcome. He was the cause of all of this destruction. The death of Dumbledore had been the catalyst. It was him who had allowed the death eaters in. It was him who had disarmed Dumbledore. As far as he was concerned, he was the final push that started the war. And now it was Harry who was going to finish it.

There was still so much that Harry hadn’t told him. He hadn’t told him about the prophecy. Draco had felt betrayed at having to have learned of it from his father. But as he realized the implications of the words, he had learned what they meant. Neither could live while the other survives. One of them was going to die. Harry had decided that it had to be him.

Draco found himself pressed into a corner of the Great Hall the following morning, the light coming from the giant glass windows rousing him from his sleep. Realizing how long he’d been out, he stood up, and pushed his way outside. Once Ron and Hermione spotted him leaving, they followed.

Seeing the oncoming army coming over the bridge was almost enough for Draco to attempt to drag the two back inside.

“There’s too many of them.” Hermione didn’t answer, and neither did Ron, as they were focused forward. Draco reluctantly followed their gazes.

The first person they could see was Hagrid, his large figure places at the front holding a sack. As the army pressed closer, Draco felt his legs buckles, because Hagrid was, in fact, holding a person.

“Harry- “ Draco felt himself saying, and began to move forward, “Harry.” His body felt numb, his fingertips and legs and arms tingling. He wanted to scream. He stepped forward again, ready to run but a hand grabbed his shoulder holding him in place.

“Don’t do it mate,” Ron looked at him with sincerity, his eyes red-rimmed, “He wouldn’t want you to.” Ron looked back out towards the looming numbers. Draco noted that Ron had now lost two brothers.

An insidious voice rang out through the quiet courtyard.

“Those inside are encouraged to come out now. No more hiding. Come and see what your hero has been made into.”

The army settled themselves in the middle of the courtyard with Voldemort moving forward into view. Draco hated to admit how frightening he truly was. With his sharp red eyes and noseless face, he gave off the impression of a creature, inhuman. Draco had tried to convince himself that he wasn’t as unsettling as he had remembered, but coming face to face with the man himself left him feeling paralyzed.

“In the end, he was merely a boy, hiding behind greater men and women in a childlike attempt to save himself.”

Draco found himself leaning heavily against the pillars of the building, desperately trying to keep himself upright. He couldn’t draw any attention to himself; any noise could give him away, and he kept his eyes downward. Away from Harry. _Oh god._

“Draco.” His gaze shot upwards, staring ahead. Voldemort was speaking directly to him, calling him over. “I implore you to rejoin our ranks.” Draco made an effort to keep his face expressionless, and for a moment, he didn’t make any attempt to move.

“ _Draco._ ” Another voice. His mother’s. “Please.” Draco looked out at her gravely, and he heard Hermione whisper quietly next to him, tears evident in her voice.

“Go.”

Draco stepped forward, and began to cross the courtyard again, his stomach lurching forward as Voldemort reached out towards him, pulling him in for a moment before he moved to stand next to his mother. He was shaking, as was she, and she wrapped an arm around his waist. The touch was enough for him to ground himself.

His mind was blank, and his face felt too hot. He felt uncomfortable in his skin, and he wanted to turn away from everything, and leave. Draco hadn’t thought that Voldemort would actually win. Harry had seemed so strong. And he was. He had been. He had walked alone into the forest knowing that he wouldn’t walk out. Draco wanted to scream.

He couldn’t help looking towards where Hagrid was standing. He had been positioned in such a way for the sole purpose of being shown off. Bruises at his neck and wrists were enough to display that he had been tied up for the majority of the battle. Draco could only imagine how he had reacted when Voldemort-

There as movement in Hagrid’s arms. A small intake of air. From Harry. Draco thought his eyes may been tricking him.

And then Harry dropped from his arms, and a screech left his mouth.

“Harry!” Draco smiled at how hours earlier, he had called out to him in the same way.

Harry looked to where Draco stood, for just a moment, a small smile on his face as Draco broke through the crowd, dragging him behind pillars as chaos ensued, pressing his wand into Harry’s hand.

“Run.”

“I’m coming with you this time.”

"Always."

**Author's Note:**

> I thought it was a good idea. 
> 
> Find me over on tumblr at ohohpierre.


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